Download Don't Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction, by Patrick Carnes
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Don't Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction, by Patrick Carnes
Download Don't Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction, by Patrick Carnes
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From the Publisher
"Dr. Patrick Carnes is a creative, pioneering, and courageous human being. His books are changing the lives of thousands!""I lost three marriages, all because of affairs." "I became suicidal because of multiple intense involvements." "I spent money on sex when I needed it for children's clothes." "I lost promotion opportunities and a special scholarship because my co-workers found out about my sex life." Ever day they face the possibility of destruction, risking their families, fiancés, jobs, dignity, and health. They come from all walks of life: ministers, physicians, therapists, politicians, executives, blue-collar workers. Most were abused as children--sexually, physically or emotionally--and saw addictive behavior in their early lives. Most grapple with other addictions as well, but their fiercest battle is with the most astounding prevalent "secret" disorder in America: sexual addiction. Here is a ground-breaking work by the nation's leading professional expert on sexual addiction, based on the candid testimony of more than one thousand recovering sexual addicts in the first major scientific study of the disorder. This essential volume includes not only the revealing findings of Dr. Carne's research with recovering addicts but also advice from the addicts and co-addicts themselves as they work to overcome their compulsive behavior. Positive, hopeful, and practical, Don't Call It Love is a landmark book that helps us better understand all addictions, their causes, and the difficult path to recovery."This clear, helpful, well-organized guide... points the way toward healing twisted relationships and reclaiming healthy sexuality."--Publishers Weekly
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From the Inside Flap
trick Carnes is a creative,  pioneering, and courageous human being. His books are  changing the lives of  thousands!""I lost three marriages, all because of affairs."  "I became suicidal because of multiple intense  involvements." "I spent money on sex when I  needed it for children's clothes." "I  lost promotion opportunities and a special  scholarship because my co-workers found out about my sex  life." Every day they face the possibility of  destruction, risking their families, fiances,  jobs, dignity, and health. They come from all walks  of life: ministers, physicians, therapists,  politicians, executives, blue-collar workers. Most were  abused as children--sexually, physically or  emotionally--and saw addictive behavior in their early  li
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Product details
Paperback: 448 pages
Publisher: Bantam; Reprint edition (March 1, 1992)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0553351389
ISBN-13: 978-0553351385
Product Dimensions:
5.2 x 0.9 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.7 out of 5 stars
68 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#91,393 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I'm surprised I haven't already reviewed this book. I recommend it frequently since so many people are sexually compulsive, especially in the days of internet porn. I mainly work with people in Christian ministry and sexual compulsions are a common challenge because it is a quiet behavior, mainly involving fantasy and sexual climax unless and until more public behaviors emerge (all addictions are progressive because the same level of simulus does not give the same level of escape over time, leading to a need to escalate frequency, intensity, and so forth.)This book is a little overwhelming for some in ministry because it addresses a whole range of sexualized behaviors, but the beauty of it is that it provides a clear road map of what recovery and escape looks like, based on tracking the journeys of 200 people in recovery. (Compulsions is an easier word to accept than addictions for many. The point in either case is that we do things not in our own best interest and continue to do so over time.)There are many takeaways I find very valuable, including a realistic timeline--1 year minimum to get over the worst part, 3 years to get to a point where there is not just recovery but also growth, and 5 years to recovery if all goes well. Of course, relapses happen, but the journey remains the same. Each step forward makes escape a more realistic possibility.Many just don't have the commitment to read this book. I recommend it more than less explicit, smaller, gentler guides.
Very informative. I bought this book as the author is considered the expert of experts. I won't bore you with my personal knowledge of betrayal related to sex addiction, which is also known as an intimacy disorder. In order for a person to deal with life a person with an intimacy disorder uses sex, whether it is porn, affairs, a combination of both. I like that this book was able to explain that an addiction is an addiction whether it is from alcohol, drugs, over-eating, gambling, sex, video games or the internet. This is a must read for anyone who thinks sex addiction is a part of a relationship whether as the SA or the partner of a SA. I've read a lot of books on sex addiction. This is one of the best. Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes is also an excellent book. Currently, I am reading Facing Love addiction by Pia Mellody. I highly recommend this book also. I bought all these books from Amazon
This book helped me begin to understand what was wrong with me after struggling for a lifetime to be free. I have since loved others of Carnes' work: Facing the Shadow, and A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps. I did not finish reading Part I about what it means to become addicted. It was too graphic and I got the point without needing all of the stories. Part II was about the science and medicine of recovery and it gave me much hope. Also, the model of calling the spouse a coaddict is maybe a little outdated. The models of abuse victim and betrayal trauma have been much more helpful and effective to my wife.
It's a cool book. It does give insight to one's past or American society's fixation on sexuality. I will admit that it's a 70% of research based anecdotles (personal stories) and 30% applied successfully subjective ( to each their own) self-help treatment.I do highly recommend it for those who been diagnosed as a "sex addict" also known as hypersexuality in DSM-5. However ( there's always a smartass who says it), the coping methods may or may not work for you. Once more, to each their own.
Patrick Carney’s does a masterful job of explaining in a very readable format, the reality that sex addiction is. He truly understands the problem and it’s solution. I am so glad to have access to this treasure.
This book changed my life and has set me free! Patrick Carnes KNOWS what he is writing about. The details in this book are very ACCURATE and the topic has been well studied and researched. Studying about sexual addiction hit me so hard, caused the tears to flow, and the heart and mind to be cleansed and restructured. When I realized I was not alone in this struggle, it helped me immensely, and made me more determined than ever to be delivered from this life-long torment. What is sexual addiction?? It is not all about sex, as most think. It is about love being the drug that soothes the hurts from core feelings of abandonment, loneliness and worthlessness. It is self-destructive behavior with an inability to stop. Familiar themes in lives are family breakups, financial disaster, loss of jobs, risk to life. Most were abused as children, either sexually, physically and/or emotionally. A majority grew up in homes with addictions of alcoholism and compulsive behaviors, and most grapple with these addictions as well. Sexual addiction is the MOST difficult addiction to stop due to its nature; however, it is possible to transform despair and chaos into confidence and peace, resulting in regained trust and restoration of sexual vitality to relationships and a life of self care. What are the signs of sexual addiction??? A pattern of out-of-control behavior; severe consequences due to sexual behavior; inability to stop despite adverse consequences; persistent pursuit of self-destructive or high-risk behavior; ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behavior; sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy; increasing amounts of sexual experience because the current level of activity is no longer sufficient; severe mood changes around sexual activity; inordinate amounts of time spent in obtaining sex, being sexual, or recovering from sexual experience; neglect of important social, occupational, or recreational activities because of sexual behavior. These signs get obscured by the shadows of denial, misperception, and prejudice. Addicts are powerless in that they find themselves in situations they've intended to avoid. They lose their way and our loose culture only increases the ability to continue unnoticed. Justification of behavior is reinforced, denial increases, and isolation exists because of the secrets and shame they carry. New hopes and fresh starts end in failed attempts that kill any hope for change. Unworthiness causes them to reject real love and they opt for neurochemical highs of danger, risk, abuse, and pain and the temporary relief of escape. These are their survival skills. This book goes in depth about the addiction and how to take steps to recovery. It is an EXCEPTIONAL book - and it will help you to break free! It has been seven years for me now, and my life gets better each and every day as a result of what I have learned from this information and the actions I have taken that go along with it. Won't you step out on faith and trust that you too can be healed and have a better life?
Most important book I have read to date. I read this along with Sex Addicts Anonymous Green Book and this is a great complimentary asset.
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